Christmas Blogging

I have now gone on my hols for a couple of weeks and as I type I am sat on the sofa at my parents 'watching' the Strictly Come Dancing Final and guesstimating how much weight I am going to put on over the next few days as my mother feeds us to death. A conservative estimate is probably about five stone.

Tinselworm

Despite my encounter with the bunch of no-hoper Facebook types on the train on Friday (see below), this is just to add by the way that Bill Bailey made me laugh so much that my jaw ached, to the point where I couldn't actually laugh any more for several minutes. If you can't go, I suggest you get the DVD, or die trying. By the way, there's a petition running to get him cast as the next Doctor Who. Details available from his website..

All readers called Mungo, stop reading now..

As most readers know, I am a quiet and retiring type who lets the slightly odd ways of the world wash over him with ne'er a complaint or bad word to say about anything or anybody. As an exception to this rule however, and pursuant to a trip up into town on Friday night to see Saint Bill of Bailey, I feel compelled to point out the following to anyone having a conversation on the train within earshot of veteran commuters:

a) for anyone with a decent education who is contemplating getting a decent job, but has the unfortunate social disadvantage of a plummy accent and an incredibly silly nickname such as Dagger or Mungo, please do NOT get into the habit of using expressions such as the following:

(i) "yeah, Mungo was LIKE, SOO drunk" (caps depict wholly inappropriate emphasis);
(ii) "Oh yeah, LIKE DJ Spong is SO awesome?" (rising at the end to depict some sort of question EVERY BLOODY TIME); and
(iii) "Oh yeah, I was like, SO drunk, I walked all the way to Aberdeen with LIKE, NO shoes ON."

b) quit it with the crappy air kissy kissy nonsense (muah ... muah). It might play well with your Facebook-crowd of fake mates, but the real world gave it up as a bad bet about 4 seconds after the first episode of 'Absolutely Fabulous' aired 10 years ago.

c) loudly proclaiming how boring your work experience is on a train full of commuters shows about as much tactical foresight as turkeys voting for Xmas. The expression 'it's a small world' ring any bells?

d) all commuters HATE listening to other people's conversations (unless they fall into the category of car-crash conversations with tell-tale hissy fits and swearing). We just like to switch off and reflect on the day or things to do in a bit of PEACE AND QUIET.

So just, LIKE, SHUT UP, would you, Mungo!!!!!